I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she told me i tasted like america
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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