if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
