Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
