Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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