I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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