I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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