i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I could fuck to npr.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
