i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
