when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
