mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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