nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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