Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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