I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
