I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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