did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
