that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
