I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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