i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
