I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
