Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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