He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
