I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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