Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
