Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
