Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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