I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
