Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
