It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
