My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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