who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
