Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
