I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You can't special order awesome
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
