you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
