Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
