he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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