Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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