And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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