Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
