She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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