went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
