You just made me feel so damn special
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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