its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
