So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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