Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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