I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
