this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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