nut hugger
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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