my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
