So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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