plz talk dirty to me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
