Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
