3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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